Moments

Quite some time has passed since my last post. I could use work as an excuse, I've pulled a lot of overtime in the past month or so. I could blame home.  My husband is struggling right now, battling something of his own. But that's his story to tell. I could just say life has gotten in the way, as it tends to do. But really I probably just got lazy.

However, here I am. Staring at a white screen trying to organize my thoughts that seem so scatterbrained lately. Life has been difficult. My plate seems full. Yet every time I think it can't get harder, it does. So I'm going to quit saying that. Pity party table of 1 needs to vacate the premises because life could be much harder. As it is for a very dear friend of mine right.

I got a phone call on Saturday that no friend.... that no one... wants. One of my very best friend's had  her world turned upside down with the tragic passing of her husband. A man who would have helped anyone... literally... as he passed away trying to assist strangers. He left behind not only his wife, but their two small children; ages 2 & 3.

The unfairness of the situation unnerves me. The lack of understanding unsettles me. And the fact that life is so unpredictable and short has shaken me to the core. I just keep staring at everything around me, it all looks the same, smells the same, and to unknowing passerby's it feels the same, but it's not. And it won't ever be. Especially for their young family.

I cannot imagine life without my husband. The mere thought makes my stomach curdle. Yet we are quick to fuss and fight over every day trivial things. We are quick to blame one another. Quick to roll an eye or scoff. For what purpose? For what gain? If I've learned anything over the past three days, it's that life is far too short. We should be quicker to kiss a little longer, hug a little tighter, linger a little longer. We are the lucky ones. The fortunate few. Every day we get with one another is a day longer than some.

I take life for granted too often. I complain too much about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme. I will be forever sadden that it has taken this life event for my eyes to open. My heart literally breaks in a million pieces every time I think of what "normal" will be for their family now.  But every day ahead is an opportunity to seize the moment.

He would have wanted that, encouraged it even. He was a great man, who played hard and loved his family harder.

I hope you're drinking a good beer buddy. You deserve it.

Whew!

The Facini household had a JAM PACKED weekend. I can hardly believe it's 9:00pm on Sunday night. Friday after worked kicked off a bunch of running around that we neglected all week. Saturday, our day started bright and early--the husband took the Peanut to her Zumbini class and I helped set up for a bridal shower for an awesome lady! We had a 1pm birthday party for a dude that I can't believe is 10 followed by dinner with my brother and sister -in-law. Saturday night I did some last minute things for the bridal shower followed by a full day of wedding shower bliss today. I did squeeze in some outdoor time with my favorite people tonight, while the weather was still nice. The husband picked up shrimp for dinner and after concocting our own barbecue sauce, he made us grilled barbecue shrimp for dinner. He handled bedtime for the Peanut tonight so I could catch up with a good friend and fold a trillion loads of laundry.  Whew! I need a weekend from my weekend.

I've been meaning to post about our Towson weekend with friends and Valentine's Day but things have been crazy in our house. I feel like I haven't been home in a month. As evidence by the state of my house right now. Hell, if the husband and I didn't tag team laundry today, we'd be buying clothes to wear tomorrow.

Things are headed to a slower pace, we have no plans this upcoming weekend and I'm keeping it that! My house is going to get a good cleaning and I'm going to spend some quality time with my little lady and husband.

I'm Still Learning

Last week was a tough one for the husband and myself. 2.5 years into our marriage we had our second big fight. Now we bicker all the time, what married couple doesn't, but this was a days long, can't fully sleep, can't really eat, just plain crappy fight. After a night of overindulging, we had the kind of argument that I'm glad to call a rarity in our marriage. But, to perfectly honest, I'm glad we had it out. Why? I took away a lot of valuable lessons.

I've been with the husband since I was 12 years old. To say I know him like the back of my hand would be an understatement. But, we don't share a brain. Unless we communicate, regularly and effectively, my knowledge of him is a moot point. It's possible and highly likely that I say one thing and he thinks I mean another. Unless he asks for clarification, or I offer it, a small thing can run a long train.

The husband and I talk a lot. Every day. Through different mediums. Email, text, phone, in-person and some times through social media. But it's mundane, every day, what's for dinner kind of talk. We need to do a better job of communicating... in-person. So the lines aren't blurred. So the tone of an email isn't misconstrued, so facial expressions can be read, so follow up questions can be asked.

Our conversations need to be more than just the mundane aspects of life... more in-depth about what's going on with us. We often graze over issues when speaking in-person, only to fire off an email the next day. When we finally sat down on Sunday/Monday night and talked things through, after a week of ass-half fighting, we both felt relieved. We both smiled genuine smiles. And we both woke up this morning feeling a helluva a lot better than any day last week.

Lastly this weekend taught me not to take my husband for granted, to appreciate his small acts of kindness, to always validate his feelings, even if I don't agree with them. 15 years together, almost 3 married and we're still learning. Every day. I'm proud of that. When things get old or stale, when we stop fighting as passionately as we love, then I'll be worried. For now, just par for the course.

We had a pretty awesome weekend despite that minor the hiccup. More to come on that later.

Kumbaya

I follow a ton of blogs; parenting, home improvement, cooking, single, married, animal lovers... you name it and there is probably a blog on my Digg reader that will align with your request. I also occasionally read viral blog posts. Some are funny, some are tear jerkers and some just make me shake my head. One viral post I've seen around social media lately centers around anti-marriage and anti-parenting. This has sparked a number of rebuttal blog posts, this being one. Sort of.

I don't get it. I really don't. What is about other folks lives that people wish to critique so harshly. So what if you don't want to get married, so what if you don't want to to have kids. What makes it your job to convince the rest of the world that your lifestyle is 'the chosen one'? And on the same token, if you want to have an army of little minions. Kudos to you. If you want to live on the water with six cats and a parrot...that's your prerogative. It's like single folks, married folks and parental folks can't co-exist. If you're in one category, you can't fit in another. Friends vs. Seinfeld-esque.We spend most of our lives fitting in, ticking off boxes on forms. Why must we constantly remind one another about it. More so, why must we prove our way is the better way.

I have a large base of friends that are all in different places in life. Some are single and traveling the world, some are happily married with animals they treat like family, some are already on their third child. Their lifestyle choices do not impact me, you, or the girl next door.

There are aspects in life that carry more flavor from one phase to the next. Was life without my Peanut easier? Sure, in some regards. But life without Tucker was more carefree, too. Does that mean I regret one phase of life after I've moved past it? Of course not. I live and breathe my husband and Peanut (and Tucker). I absolutely, would not want to live this life without any of them. And one day in our future we will hopefully add on our to family. Will we miss life with just one child? Maybe aspects of it. But we certainly won't regret bringing another life into this world.

There are no instructions in life. You cannot follow one set of directions and be guaranteed a desired outcome. You can follow your gut, you can make the best decisions possible, you can pray often but at the end of the day, life is never quite like you plan it. It can be perfect one day and a storm the next. Life is too complicated and too hard to constantly beat others up because of their lifestyle choices. I've spent too much time in my life worrying about things I cannot control. How someone else should live their life, or shouldn't live their life, is none of my business, your business and it sure as hell isn't the neighbor's business.

So this is an ode to singles, married, single with kids, married without kids, traditional families, non-traditional families and every walk of life in between. Live your own life. Be happy with the choices you make. If you're not happy with your choices, change them. Surround yourself with people who love you for you, not what you do or don't bring to the table. In the words of Florida Georgia Line (who put on an amazing concert by the way) "This life I live it might not be for you, but it's for me though"

The Rage

The rage around town is Wine and Design. A novice painting class that involves wine. Paint+wine=a beautiful evening. I had the chance to paint Christmas trees back in December, this month I painted a sunset over/into a bridge, next month (actually February is tomorrow!) I'm joining my sister-in-law's family and some friends at a class, in March my girlfriend is doing her own version of wine and design at her house and in April (yes, my calendar is actually booked until April), my family is planning one. See, I told you, all the rage!

The Christmas trees were not too difficult. I drank more wine than anything and the painting still ended up looking pretty decent. Last night, after not having dinner, I slowed my roll on the wine intake. My painting....well let's just say I won't be displaying it in a widely visible area in my house. Clearly the answer to my creativity is wine.... the wine inspires the creative juices to flow as freely as the wine I suppose.

Looking forward to a few more fun sessions. Pretty soon I won't have to buy any art for our house ;)

Trauma for Momma...

Yesterday was gorgeous. Not that you would know it by the crisp, blustery air or snow on the ground this evening, but it was. 55 and sunny. Good, no great, weather for January.  The husband, Peanut and myself enjoyed a work-free day courtesy of Mr. Martin Luther King so we took advantage of the blue skies and headed to the play area nearby. My thrill loving Peanut enjoyed the slides immensely, as did her giggle loving daddy. All was fine and well until we returned home. Our adrenaline running Peanut kept going at a uber fast pace. She went head over heels and caught herself with her face. Insert lots of blood. Insert lots of crying.

And then it was over. As soon as it started. The crying subsided...from both of us...and after a few extra snuggles my girl proudly walked away with her first fat lip. It's not pretty but she wears it well.

Just like that we conquered our first boo-boo. Leaping, literally, into toddlerhood. One giant fall at a time.

Role Model

Last night the Seahawks defeated the Niners for a shot at a Superbowl ring. The last play of the game was an explosive one; Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman tipped the ball away from Niners Receiver Michael Crabtree and the ball was eventually intercepted by the Seahawks. The game ends, Sherman offers Crabtree his hand and a small scuffle ensues, followed by some colorful hand gestures. (If you're not a football fan, stick with me, I'm going somewhere with this.) Afterward, Sherman delivers an interview that will probably be as infamous as Suh's stomping. He called Crabtree a sorry receiver and deemed himself the best corner in the "game", all the while forgetting that his team assisted in the victory that paved the road to New York. The internet lit on fire, with opponents and advocates alike buzzing about. My Facebook feed alone was littered with post after post about Sherman.

I've seen arguments on both sides of the Sherman interviews; advocates claiming "the heat of the moment", opponents claiming "athletes should show more professionalism". More than likely Sherman will be fined for his sign language. His remarks, while demeaning toward Crabtree, did not contain foul language. From the standpoint of "punishments", they will probably go unnoticed. Guess what, I couldn't care less either way. And here's why: Sherman is just another person with an opinion. Would the world care if a similar situation happened in a pick-up football game? Of course not. Because those pick-up players aren't in the national spotlight, paid millions of dollars a year. Worse is said, I'm certain, on playgrounds every school day.

I understand that many children look up to athletes, in fact my husband idolized Cal Ripken growing up. The sun rose and set on him. Hell, it still might. But the point I'm belaboring is, our children's first line of role models should be their parents. My child's reaction to an exciting or discouraging event will more than likely be a reflection of how I would/do react. As it should. My child shouldn't have to watch the television to have their morals and character shaped. That's what I'm here for.

Every day, in every situation I'm in, I think to myself how do I/will I want the Peanut to react. Obviously I'm not perfect (skip backward two posts, you'll read all about that) and she has repeated her fair share of unpleasant words but overall I can say I would be happy if she treated folks how she sees me treat them. There have been plenty of situations over her 18 months that I would have liked to overreact or make a ruckus about certain things but I told myself the day I found out I was pregnant with her, my child will show grace and humility in this life. Lost character traits in many these days, but in her, I will instill these.

One day a little thirteen year old girl (or boy) is going to say something mean about her, it will probably make her cry and she will want to retaliate. But my hope is that she has the poise to continue about her way, with little regard to these hurtful comments. People are cruel. This world is unfair. Life is how you make it. You can hold your head up high or you can hold a grudge. Life is too short to care about how one person thinks about one thing you said or did.

Sherman couldn't care less about how I feel about his reactions, nonetheless what the rest of the world thinks. He has one thing on his mind and that happens in two weeks. Hopefully by then the media around his post game interview will have died down. But knowing the new face of journalism, the hype has just begun...