I'm Still Learning

Last week was a tough one for the husband and myself. 2.5 years into our marriage we had our second big fight. Now we bicker all the time, what married couple doesn't, but this was a days long, can't fully sleep, can't really eat, just plain crappy fight. After a night of overindulging, we had the kind of argument that I'm glad to call a rarity in our marriage. But, to perfectly honest, I'm glad we had it out. Why? I took away a lot of valuable lessons.

I've been with the husband since I was 12 years old. To say I know him like the back of my hand would be an understatement. But, we don't share a brain. Unless we communicate, regularly and effectively, my knowledge of him is a moot point. It's possible and highly likely that I say one thing and he thinks I mean another. Unless he asks for clarification, or I offer it, a small thing can run a long train.

The husband and I talk a lot. Every day. Through different mediums. Email, text, phone, in-person and some times through social media. But it's mundane, every day, what's for dinner kind of talk. We need to do a better job of communicating... in-person. So the lines aren't blurred. So the tone of an email isn't misconstrued, so facial expressions can be read, so follow up questions can be asked.

Our conversations need to be more than just the mundane aspects of life... more in-depth about what's going on with us. We often graze over issues when speaking in-person, only to fire off an email the next day. When we finally sat down on Sunday/Monday night and talked things through, after a week of ass-half fighting, we both felt relieved. We both smiled genuine smiles. And we both woke up this morning feeling a helluva a lot better than any day last week.

Lastly this weekend taught me not to take my husband for granted, to appreciate his small acts of kindness, to always validate his feelings, even if I don't agree with them. 15 years together, almost 3 married and we're still learning. Every day. I'm proud of that. When things get old or stale, when we stop fighting as passionately as we love, then I'll be worried. For now, just par for the course.

We had a pretty awesome weekend despite that minor the hiccup. More to come on that later.