Keeping Up With The Joneses

When I was pregnant with the Peanut I got a weekly article comparing her size that week to a fruit or veggie. I read up on foods I should and shouldn't eat. I didn't touch alcohol, not even the occassional glass of wine and I limited myself to smoke exposure. I followed every "rule" there was.

Which is why I probably shocked everyone when I opted out of birthing classes and skipped the parenting books altogether  when putting together my registry. I decided if I was paying a hospital staff to "ensure" the safety of my child and I, then I would leave the playbook up to them. If I had a birthing plan and it deviated just slightly at any course throughout my labor I would have been a basket case. So when we brought our blue eyed bundle of joy home I shocked myself the first week when I bought "What to Expect the First year...".

I will say I used the book as a reference and not a guide. Some milestones the Peanut met on the suggested month and some she didn't. I relied on my gut to continue to be my guide. I called our pediatrician frequently and unabashedly asked questions.

I like to think that I don't compare her to other kids but after reading the first few chapters of the "What to Expect the Second Year..." I realize I have been keeping up with the Joneses with her. Unbeknownst to me. I found myself reading the text and thinking so and so's kid is doing that already and she's not or yep she does that and so and so's kid doesn't.

This is habit I've decided to break right here and now (on the bus home, actually). I don't want her to grow up with the stigma of having to be the brightest and best (unless she wants to, of course) because of unnecessary pressure I or we put on her.

So what the kid isn't walking yet. She will soon enough and I will look back and miss the times she couldn't run out of the door the minute it opened. Who cares if she won't hold her bottle. Pretty soon she won't have a bottle to hold. It's awesome that she's talking so soon and can respond correctly to simple questions we ask her, like how old she is. Hopefully those memorization skills will serve her well as she's studying for her Harford entrance exam.

I'm not saying I won't pick up the books again, but I will caution myself each time I flip through page after page. My talking, non-walking, non-bottle holding baby is not a statistic. I will continue to help mold her, introduce new things to her, help her grow but I will do it solely out of love and care. Not because the girl two doors down has a child who can do something she can't.  There will be plenty of other times in her life, unfortunately, where she must fit in a box. I refuse to rush her to that stage any quicker than need be.

Sunday Funday

Another busy weekend in the books. Friday night I raced around town getting a glider from Craigslist (that is absolutely, 100% the most comfortable chair I've ever sat in) getting shopping done for Saturday morning and spending time with family as the husband's grandmother passed away. She had been ill for awhile so it wasn't a complete shock but still sad none the less. Particularly since it followed the year marker of his mom's passing.

Saturday morning I had a dress fitting for the two upcoming weddings I'm in and thank God they both still fit. I was a tad nervous I had put on some weight but with the exception of hemming, the dresses don't require much alteration. We attended a good friend's daughter's first birthday party. The Peanut had a great time laughing at the other kids, eating lots of yummy foods including an ice pop and just enjoying the weather. 

Sunday after church we met up with another couple and their Peanut at a local vineyard for an afternoon of wine tasting and live music. The weather was gorgeous, the wine was delicious(The Riesling and the Jack Rabbit White were my favorite, the Pinot Grigio was in the running as well) and the kids were excellent. We couldn't have asked for a better Sunday Funday.

This week is also jammed packed as we prepare for bachelor/bachelorette parties this weekend! Enjoy the photo dump. 

Running Hare Vineyard- The Riesling was amazing

Hanging out

She threw a little fit when I held the baby so she hopped on over to my lap, too

Yay for her girlfriend

Peanut tornado 

One Year

I think it is safe to say that one year ago today my husband experienced the worst day of his then 26-year-old life. After an almost week long battle in the hospital, my mother-in-law passed away. Our daughter was just three weeks old.

That day, and the days preceding to that day, are etched in my memory and from time to time seep back up, as I am sure it does for my husband, father, brother and sister in law and everyone else involved in that week long struggle.

Instead of remembering the moments just after her passing, the moments where time stopped and life seemed like the void of happiness would continue forever, today, I am choosing to remember the hours and days later. The hours where we sat and talked about her and all of the memories the boys had. I'm choosing to remember the hours we sat in living room floor pouring over pictures, reminiscing. I'm choosing to remember the days we spent with his family, the most time we've spent with them cumulatively in the 13 years we were together. I'm choosing to remember the night that Tucker ate one of the Peanut's diapers and it made everyone laugh and smile for the first time in what felt like years. I'm choosing to remember the closeness that has happened with our family since that day.

Today, I cannot offer my husband or in-laws any words that are comparable to the love and happiness my mother-in-law brought her family. I will not tell him everything will get better in time, because frankly as time passes the intensiveness of the pain might fade but he will always miss his mom. But today, I will give him an extra kiss, tell him I love him more frequently and just be present for whatever he made need.

My mother in law would be so proud of the husband and father he has become. No, my mother in law is so proud of the husband and father he has become.

Whew...

Whew... What a weekend. I spent part of the weekend on the couch recovering from a nasty virus I picked up. Couple that with a teething one year old and you spell misery. The last week with our Peanut has not been a fun one. She is cutting a handful of teeth...all at the same time. She is miserable, I am miserable, my husband is miserable. The only non-miserable living thing in our house right now is the dog. And I think even he got tired of the screaming and crying last night because he dropped one of his toys on her as to say "Okay, kid, enough. This should shut you up". Spoiler alert; it didn't work.

She spent the majority of the weekend screaming, snot streaming down her face. And yes, her face is almost purple in that picture because she was holding her breath. This particular tantrum was inspired when I tried to take her church dress off and put on more comfy clothes. What a mean Momma I am.

Before

After

We did get a slight reprieve from the screaming and crying to enjoy a friend's housewarming/birthday party Saturday during the day. She was actually in a very good mood. A change in scenery and other playmates around helped with this, I think. We (as in the whole fam) enjoyed the party. I was hoping after a day out and some water play, the Peanut would be tuckered out but after a 20 minute nap in the car, she was ready to play again when we got home at 8pm. I; however, was not so ready. I was still not feeling up to par with the cold and I was exhausted from being gone all day. Alas, we played for another three hours and she finally conked out around 11pm. 

Sunday, would have been my mother-in-law's 55th birthday. We attended a mass in her name and went to dinner with some family after at a restaurant she enjoyed. It's still odd, her being gone. I often think about what she would think about our parenting styles, life choices, etc. We still feel her presence, the husband and I. The other night we were talking about the weird stuff that happens that we often say aloud "Got it Barb". I would like to think she would be proud that we have united as a family. That we try to get together often and stay connected. Family was very important to her. As we visited her yesterday and the Peanut was babbling, keeping everyone's spirits from completely tanking, I swallowed back some tears. She would have been head over heels in love with this little lady. She would have chided me for wanting to feed her organic food and being overprotective. She would have probably fed her sweets long before I first did and would have laughed when I told her I wasn't giving her peanut butter until we were in the pediatrician's parking lot. She would fuss at me for being so worried about her not walking yet. This Friday will mark a year of her passing. Keep talking to us Barb, we're always listening. 

How The Peanut Feels About The Grocery Store...

.... Me too girlfriend. Meeee too.

Budgeting

I We took the leap yesterday and joined Mint.com to help with our budgeting. We're trying hard to save as much as possible, while still being able to live, for the new house. I've never been much of a saver. And by that I mean I set an alert on my account and when the balance is below the limit, I stop spending. A lot of times in college that meant Ramen noodles or PB&J for a straight 10 days. Now-a-days, when I get that alert, I email my husband and demand he not spend any more money until one of us gets paid. That system worked fine and dandy until we needed a concrete plan to save 'x' amount of money in 5 months.

In just the two days I've had a Mint account, I've learned a ton about the way we spend money. For starters, I need to start making a list when I go to Target and I need to stick to the list. I am an impulsive buyer. Things end up in my cart when I don't really need them to. Because we're not spending any money on utilities right now, I will need to adjust our budget later when we have a house again, but I'm hoping by saving a crap ton now it won't be as hard as I'm expecting.

What I really like about this, that I have lacked the discipline to do before, is to save for future events that I want to do, as opposed to what I need. I really want to visit San Diego so after we settle on the house biz, I want to be able to devote a small portion of our income to a future trip to SD. I've always wanted to check out the San Diego zoo, not too much the Giants stadium (see love, I included something for you) and....I realllllly to be apart of the game show Let's Make a Deal.

I'm looking forward to tracking more of spending habits and learning to proactively save rather than putting bits in pieces into savings here and there.

Here goes nothin'! Leaping into the world of financial responsibility.

Happy Birthday Peanut!

Last Friday our Peanut turned a year old. I’m not sure where the time went this past year, but I hope the coming years crawl. We threw her a Dr. Seuss themed birthday party on Sunday and friends and family traveled to celebrate this huge milestone. While she wasn’t a fan of smashing the cake, she did enjoy the gifts. We came home with a bunch of great loot and it’s been really fun watching her play with her new toys. I know she probably won’t remember the party but it awesome and I’m really happy with the way everything turned out. Even if it caused quite a bit of stress in the days leading up to it.

One of her new favorite toys is this Disney Train. She loves the Disney characters and she drives the train around in circles in our living room. She’s really into musical toys right now so the fact that the train moves AND it sings is a HUGE bonus to her. We also received 4…yep, count em, 1…2…3…4 of the leapfrog picnic basket which she absolutely loves right now too. She pretends to drink from the cups and loves that the basket sings to her.

 

In between her birthday and her birthday party, a good friend of ours who owns LuluEdwardPhotography took some first birthday/family photos. As always, they turned out amazing. Maybe even better than I expected given that the Peanut had not taken a nap that morning and was in meltdown mode by the end of our session.

We visited the pedi for her year old check up on Tuesday. She is still a Peanut. 17.15lbs and 28 ¼ inches long. The doctor said she is on track and looked beautiful (of course she did, she’s ours isn’t she).. The shot portion of our visit was as bad, if not worse, than I expected. I basically had to put her in a wrestling hold for the tech to get the blood from her finger. It was not an occasion either of us wants to relive. We are in the process of phasing out the bottle and baby food. She’s doing great eating fruits and chowed down on some chicken nuggets after her appointment. We’re working on veggies, among other things. She is still texture sensitive so we’re moving slowly.

She’s up and cruising around furniture now. While I initially had some reservations about her lack of wanting to walk, I am now preparing myself for the fact that I’m going to have walker any day now. She has no qualms about pulling herself up on a toy or piece of furniture and going where she wants to go. Her sleep patterns have returned to being sporadic. Some nights she sleeps great and other nights… well, let’s just say I’m not ready for another newborn yet. I’m still very familiar with how sleep deprived one can get.

All in all, life is pretty good right now. Our Peanut is happy, healthy and thriving. I couldn’t ask for much more. 

Some Moments...

Weeks before my Peanut was born, my girlfriend gave me the best advice I've received thus far in parenthood-- you're going to have a breakdown and when you do, sit in the closet and don't forget to bring the ice cream. When the Peanut was first born, I remember looking at her and thinking this parenting thing, it's never going to get old. I don't know what she was talking about but I know I am going to savor each and every moment with this baby for the rest of my life. The first time those tiny eyes stared back into mine I remember thinking that I could stare into those baby blue eyes forever, without a care in the world.  The first time she smiled at me, truly smiled at me, the world as I previously knew it collapsed and nothing on the planet mattered but the 8lbs in my arms. And, there's always an and, life happened. I went back to work when she was three nearly three months old. I was struggling, immensely, with the balance of life, work, home, marriage and friendships. Somewhere in the shuffle, I lost my identity. I was going through all the motions but not really enjoying any of it. I was present physically, but mentally I had checked out. Then came the break down. I had been back at work for about a month maybe a little longer when the mounting pressure from readjusting to work and trying to manage a home while taking care of a newborn finally erupted. Erupted it did. I sobbed all day at work until finally my boss told me to go home. I called my girlfriend and sobbed all the way home while talking to her. I walked in the door and finally really, exploded on my mom and then my husband.

I retreated to my bathroom, sat on the floor and heaved huge sobs and ginormous tears. Something had to give and my girlfriend was right, I wish I would've brought the ice cream.

Reflecting over this past year I've realized that's what parenting is all about. It's exhausting; emotionally, mentally and physically. There are moments when I don't feel like I can handle another crisis or tantrum. When I think one more crying fit might just send me over the edge for the day or I can't possible fathom doing laundry or dishes that are screaming my name louder than my daughter. There are moments when bed time comes fifteen minutes early and I'm pushing back tears walking up the steps with her because I feel guilty that I can't muster up enough patience for another few minutes. But it also is the most rewarding thing I've done in the 27 years I've been alive.

Blocks and books consume my evenings after dinner and bath time, where I'm sure to get as wet as the baby. Giggles, coos, hearing the word Mama and slobbery kisses make my worst days instantly better, if only for a second. And then there are the moments like this morning, when I know, above all else, I was put on this planet to raise this little girl. Moments like this morning, when at 4:30 she wakes up and cries out for us. When we're too tired to get up so we put her in between us and she snuggles in my neck and I breathe in those baby smells. The hair around her neck tickling my cheeks. When, for just a moment, I stop breathing just to hear her soft breath and see the peacefulness that encompasses her. Moments when I lay in bed an extra five minutes just so that I can hold her a minute longer. My baby won't be a baby much longer and won't want or need to be held in the early morning soon. Those moments are fast approaching. Her independence gaining by the minute.

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. Likewise, there isn't a big enough bonus to cover the benefits of parenting.  It's taken some time to find the right groove but above all I've learned there is no perfect balance. Some evenings, take out will be what's for dinner simply because I don't have the energy to cook a meal. Some nights, bed time will come later because building blocks and singing songs are more fun and some nights Grandma or Gdad will be the one doing the bed time routine because the husband and I need a night out to reconnect. No one promised me it would be easy, but I will tell them it's more than worth it.

To the new parents out there or the old pros that need a reminder. It gets better. Grab some ice cream and just hang on.

Surprise!

As I wrapped up my day yesterday, after picking up toys, packing my lunch, washing bottles,etc. I decided to peek in on the Peanut before I called it a night. I knew she was still awake, I could hear clapping through the monitor. What I was unprepared for, was her greeting me in her crib...standing! When I turned the corner and saw my Peanut standing up, peering out of her bedroom door, I burst out laughing. My soon to be one year old is a baby no more. The worst part? Our crib doesn't get any lower! 

Last week, we caught her trying to climb the steps. It's only a matter of time before those little legs start moving. 

How is it possible a year has already passed?