One Year

I think it is safe to say that one year ago today my husband experienced the worst day of his then 26-year-old life. After an almost week long battle in the hospital, my mother-in-law passed away. Our daughter was just three weeks old.

That day, and the days preceding to that day, are etched in my memory and from time to time seep back up, as I am sure it does for my husband, father, brother and sister in law and everyone else involved in that week long struggle.

Instead of remembering the moments just after her passing, the moments where time stopped and life seemed like the void of happiness would continue forever, today, I am choosing to remember the hours and days later. The hours where we sat and talked about her and all of the memories the boys had. I'm choosing to remember the hours we sat in living room floor pouring over pictures, reminiscing. I'm choosing to remember the days we spent with his family, the most time we've spent with them cumulatively in the 13 years we were together. I'm choosing to remember the night that Tucker ate one of the Peanut's diapers and it made everyone laugh and smile for the first time in what felt like years. I'm choosing to remember the closeness that has happened with our family since that day.

Today, I cannot offer my husband or in-laws any words that are comparable to the love and happiness my mother-in-law brought her family. I will not tell him everything will get better in time, because frankly as time passes the intensiveness of the pain might fade but he will always miss his mom. But today, I will give him an extra kiss, tell him I love him more frequently and just be present for whatever he made need.

My mother in law would be so proud of the husband and father he has become. No, my mother in law is so proud of the husband and father he has become.