Rambling Mind

 I don't blog much about my relationship with the husband. From time to time I mention snip-its about him/us but for the most part I stick to our peanut. I don't exclude him intentionally but since most posts are centered around her, he takes a back seat the majority of the time.

I use my blog as a venting station, as a way to make people chuckle, as a scrapbook to document the most mundane aspects of our life. Why? Because these memories, even the most mundane, will mean something at some point.

I'm rambling I know.

Today's post is about relationships. Mine, yours, the girl next door. I'm not singling out my relationship in particular but there are certain facets of this post that mirror my relationship, past and present. And probably future. Afterall, there is no perfect relationship. Despite what social media might convey.

So without being much more obscure...actually, I'm about to be a lot more obscure...

Insecurity is a nightmare in any relationship. Married relationships, single relationships, in-between relationships and friendships. Insecurity could crumbled the Great Wall of China. It takes one event, one non-event, one conversation, one translation to allow insecurity to creep into an otherwise secure mind. When insecurity broaches a relationship it can take days, months, years to repair.

Sometimes, the insecurity is unwarranted. Sometimes, a non-event throws insecurity into a secure relationship. Sometimes, one person's insecurity leads to the other person's insecurity. Sometimes, 10 years later you find something that may be irrelevant in the present but that meant something in the past. And sometimes that's worse. Sometimes, no matter how bad you want to, you can't escape the past. The feelings, the insecurity.

Sometimes, it would be really nice to be able to mind read. Words and actions parallel in an insecure mind . Words are nothing but conjoined letters bouncing around until action is involved. Words, actions, reactions, non-reactions combined have the ability to create a horrible symphony of insecurity.

It takes one event, non-event, or someone else's insecurity to make you question the validity of a relationship. The what-ifs and what if-nots. Sometimes, all it takes is the other person's reaction (or non-reaction) to make you question the security of a relationship. Sometimes your mind can overpower the most minuscule of insecure thoughts. And sometimes it cannot. But all the time, not just sometimes, insecurity is a nightmare.