Well, Here Goes Something

I gained 35 lbs with my pregnancy. Everyone always laughed and asked "where?" when I would tell them how much I gained. When the Peanut was born, I instantly (like most women) lost about 10 lbs. 6 of which was her and another 4 in water or so (yeah, I'll go with so...).  Fast forward a week post delivery and with the stress of a new baby and nursing, I lost another 10. About that time, everything happened with my mother-in-law and I survived off of chocolate donuts, Mountain Dew, and cafeteria food from the hospital for a solid week. I gained 5 lbs back, which may not seem like a lot but I went from fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans to...well, not fitting in them. 6 months has elapsed and I'm still fighting with my waistline. While the weight gain isn't atrocious it's still depressing. I see it in the fullness of my face, the clinging of shirts, and the tightness in my jeans. It's downright depressing.

I should preface this by saying I've never had an issue with weight before, ever. I had abs of steel in high school and even in college when most people packed on the freshmen (or sophomore, junior, senior) 15, my weight held steady. For the past 26 years I've been able to eat whatever I please because I have had a kickass metabolism. Hell, my sophomore year of college I survived on Mountain Dews, Hot Pockets, and Dove candy bars and still didn't gain a pound. So the idea of weight loss is a foreign concept to me. I've never really had to exercise will power over the food I should or shouldn't eat and if I didn't have a veggie for a couple days, it wasn't the end of the world. Now... now I'm at a loss.

I'm completely miserable with what I see in the mirror every morning. My rock solid abs have been replaced by a less than solid mid section desperately in need of crunches. It doesn't help that I have a 6 inch scar (from a skin cancer on my abdomen) that spider-ed during the final weeks of my pregnancy that attracts my eye whenever I'm already glaring at a figure that is no more. I hate how my clothes fit but I refuse to buy new ones because I want to get back in the old ones. So today, today I stop moping and start doing.

My New Year's resolution was to lose 10 lbs, to meet the left over weight in the middle, splitting the difference and being okay with that. But honestly, truthfully, I want it all gone. I want my abs back, I want my figure back, I want to feel like me again. So today is a new day. With a cup of water replacing my usual electric green beverage, I'm leaping to the next challenge.  I'm sure to be one grumpy person by 4:30 from the lack of caffeine.